Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 23 April 2011

image for Proud parents Tony Blair, JK Rowling, Cherie and Bill Clinton all in the Abbey's three-and-sixpennies next Friday
Nick Clegg will hand out stimulant 'sweeties' to anybody in danger of keeling over from rigor mortis

London - Seating plans published today show the bride and groom's birth parents have been allocated top-notch pews in Westmonster Abbey's (K)Nave.

The area is traditionally reserved for the foulest rascal supporters of the Puppet Monarchy, exchanging hands for the usual bung of around fifty grand.

Bridal grandmother Mrs Thatcher will join proud daughter Cherie while JK Rowling mother Anne 'The Weakest Lynx' Robinson will sidle with Tony and Bill.

Nearby the part of of the Abbey known as the Right Quire (pronounced 'queer') will see Elton John, Prince Harry and other royal shapeshifters take their front row seats.

Twenty five members of the Cabinet, their City banker pals and a number of Premiership pricks who have recently secured one of Mr Justice Eady's very handy hyper-injunctions will sit in the South Lantern area.

As Prince Harry's actual DNA father Nick Clegg will officiate as chief humbug peddler, handing out stimulant 'sweeties' to anybody in danger of keeling over - from boredom, sleepiness or actual imminent rigor mortis.

The Arsebishop of Canterbury has already granted perpetual absolution to all and sundry in this sordid nuptial freakshow following a deal with the Queen's only lawful spouse Pope Joe Ratzinger.

Camilla Fucker-Proles is 69.

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