Written by Jalapenoman
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Saturday, 23 April 2011

image for Prince Charles Claims "Jus Primae Noctis" (Right of First Night) With Kate Middleton
"I get to go first, so you just hold your horses, sonny boy!"

Prince Charles, father of Prince William, has claimed the right of "Jus Primae Noctis" (right of first night) with Kate Middleton on his son's upcoming marriage to the English woman. The right, also called "droit du seigneur" (the lord's right) allows the highest ranking member of the royal family present to be the first to sleep with a new bride.

The practice, which was depicted in the movie Braveheart, has not been used in England for a few centuries, but the law allowing it has never been changed.

When asked why he would claim such a right over his own son's wife, the heir to the British throne said "have you seen the tits on that bird? They are nice and pert and perky! She's also a real looker. Camilla is all dowdy and she sags and her nippies are all chewed up. This girl's got some sport to her and I want to take that for a ride!"

When his younger son Harry heard what his father was doing, he was visibly upset. "Shit! Why does William have to be older? If I was the older brother, I could also bed Kate. She'd be a lovely little roll in the hay."

After he realized that he could begin using this rite with as many English brides as he wanted, Harry became somewhat happier. He asked reporters if anyone knew "when that little Emma tart from the Harry Potter movies plans to get married?"

William, however, was not pleased with the news. "Does my father intend to take my bride in the castle after the wedding, or is he going to show up and do this during my honeymoon? I can understand wanting to bed the winch, because I've gotten off on her for years, but he shouldn't make his own son have to settle for sloppy seconds on his own wedding night."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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