Written by IainB
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Friday, 22 April 2011

image for Good Friday leads onto Okay Saturday
Mmm...Easter: The sweetest day of the year

With the success of Good Friday, when shops up and down the nation report trade is booming bigger than Christmas - mainly because they have to shut at Christmas - merchants of England are asking for more days like Good Friday.

"Boxing day is quite good," said Tess Coe, spokesperson for the Merchants Alliance. "The run up to Christmas is also boom time for shops, but nothing compares to Good Friday."

Shops report that they throng and heave in the run up to Easter, with many people making significantly larger purchases than normal on Good Friday itself.

"You'd think the entire country was having the entire country round for dinner looking at some of the shopping trolleys," said Coe. "It also appears to be the time of year that people buy sofas, pressure washers, new cars and inflatable life partners."

Given how much money consumers spend on Good Friday, the Merchants Alliance are calling for an Okay Saturday, a Pretty Decent Sunday, a Marvellous Monday, an Exceptional Tuesday, a Wonderful Wednesday and an All Right Thursday.

Religious groups, such as the Religions Against Shopping, Consumerism And Laundry, has slated the proposal.

"Christmas was hijacked by the shopkeepers," said Jack Ittin, the paramilitary leader of RASCAL. "Now they've taken Easter. Ask any ten-year-old what Christmas means, they say presents. Ask them about Easter and they say eggs. We will not stand by as shops create things to buy on other religious days. Keep the holidays holy days!"

Tess Coe concedes that Ittin has a point. "He has a point," she conceded. "I bet he changes his mind when he wants to buy more fertiliser on Easter Sunday though!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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