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Friday, 7 October 2005

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Father Desmond Tutu

Shocking news today in the entertainment industry, Graham Norton telly towns campest presenter may not be as camp as once thought. The problem lies with 43 yr old Norton's (real name Graham Norton), geography teacher Julie Clary.

At a packed press conference today thirty nine year old Clary alleged that she taught Norton at her comprehensive school in east Grinstead during the 1980s.
She said "Norton isn't even Irish never mind a sausage jockey, when I joined Crudwell high, he (Norton) was about 12 years old but he already had an eye for the girls.

I remember that me and the other members of staff always thought he would one day be famous. He was a brilliant mimic and he often had us in stitches with his impersonation of a homosexual Irish comedian called Terry Wogan. Little did we know that he would base his own stage persona on that very personality".

Clary went on to add " I knew Graham before I began teaching as mine and Norton's fathers went to different schools together, although I have no proof of this. His father is well known around here as a bit of a ladies man, but it's up to him how he dresses.

I remember an incident in school when he was in the fifth form, he and a girl called Debbie Williams went missing from a teacher's class. The teacher and I went searching for them and we soon found them hard at it in an empty class. Graham always was a hard, fast worker and he was helping the girl with her home work. Of course that sounds innocent enough until we found out that he was demanding sexual favours in return for the help. The girl's parents moved to Stoke and bought a pub after the baby was born, I do often wonder how Robbie turned out.

The worlds press caught up with Norton at the Playboy mansion and asked him for his comments on Clarys allegations. " Of course I'm bent, haven't you seen my clothes or the way I talk or walk" "look at my wrist its ready to fall off" this didn't fool anyone one hack asked why haven't you got a boyfriend? Norton replied, "if we went to a party tonight and got blinding drunk and tomorrow morning you woke up in bed next to me, naked, would you tell anyone? The hack replied "would I hell" Norton "do you want to go to a party?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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