London - A Kings Road shopping expedition has seen Kate Middleton invest in falsies to insert under her bridal gown following a public outcry about her emaciated form.
"If she was a Dartmoor pony there'd be an outcry to the RSPCA," a worried Whorse & Hound editorial said today.
"Besides, those emaciated features are making her look increasingly like her maternal grandmother Mrs Thatcher."
Gaunt and scraggy-necked shots of the bride-to-be are a chilling echo of Princess of Wales' own experiment with binge/purging.
At one stage Diana lost so much protective fat around her vital organs than it may have accelerated a form of pre-Alzheimers dementia.
"That would explain the bizarre Dodi fixation," a Harley Street neorologist commented.
"Partial brain death among anorexics and bullimics makes for some very bizarre relationship choices.
"Only a proper MRI scan can save Kate now."