Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 20 April 2011

image for Killer bees swarming in 'grim reaper' formation outside Queen's bedroom
Bizarre apian karmic ritual ahead of HM's birthday

London - A psychopomp of 'africanised' bees has been spotted swarming outside HM's bedroom window Palace sources reported today.

Hellfire Club soothsayers fear the colony may be gathering in a traditional midwife-to-the-dying rite, sparked by unseasonally high temperatures.

The funerary heralds and their pall-bearer aides were last spotted before the Queen Mother's own RIP.

Thousands of whip-poor-wills - North American nightjars of the Caprimulgus Vociferus genus - 'shat their guts out' all over Clarence House lawns in a bizarre avian karmic ritual.

'Millions' of the nightjars' first cousins - known as chuck-will's-widow (Caprimulgus Carolinensis) - later bombed the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain with gallons of cuckoo spit.

The subsequent clean-up rivalled last year's Gulf of Mexico Deepwater Horizon oil spill remediation.

Last week Palace quacks voiced their fears that a spate of nosebleeds will see HM drop dead before the April 29 royal wedding.

"Kinda ironic!" a Good Friday Agreement source chuckled today.

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