Classified documents obtained by Skoob News International reveal that on the day of the Royal Wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton, fighter jets will patrol the skies above the capital to protect against kamikaze UFO attempts to subvert the big event.
It is thought that a plan for the kamikaze UFO raid was uncovered by an amateur computer hacker in a garden shed in Gateshead. Sources say that the hacker intercepted radio transmissions from a planet far away in a distant galaxy on the outer known edge of the universe. It is believed that the alien life forms are quite a jolly, gregarious bunch of beings, whose interest in planet earth has been fuelled by their desire to have a big party with the earthlings. (Us.)
It is broadly accepted that the alien life forms have become increasingly frustrated by continual attempts by world governments to thwart their intergalactic party planning, by continually denying that they exist, covering up UFO accidents, withholding party loving dead aliens, and encouraging the media to portray all aliens as evil shape-shifting, reptilian, power hungry monsters. Apart from ET, ALF, Mork from Ork, and My Favourite Martian.
It seems that the fun loving aliens have finally got sick and tired of having their party plans, and their very existence repeatedly denied by insular earthlings - so they appear to have suddenly adopted an aggressive stance, in order to announce their existence in spectacular fashion, by crashing a UFO into the Royal wedding procession, thus inflicting heavy casualties and a high impact introduction.
"The aliens have had enough of our politicians," UFOlogist Bernard Breslaw remarked. "All they ever wanted to do was have a bit of fun. They've been patient for long enough, but their voices still haven't been heard. So their intention is to turn nasty. They do appear to like a bit of attention."
When asked what the response would be to a kamikaze UFO attack on the Royal Wedding procession, PM David Cameron announced:
"Let me be perfectly clear on this. There is no evidence at present to suggest that aliens intend to conduct a kamikaze UFO assault on the Royal Wedding proceedings. And if there was - then we'd jolly well have to borrow some fighter jets off somebody in order to combat the threat."
"You see what we're up against?" an alien said in its blog.