Written by grimbo
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Topics: London, UN

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

image for U.N. To Address Humanitarian Crisis In London

The United Nations and a host of major international charities are meeting in Zurich to discuss the increasingly dire humanitarian crisis unfolding in London in the wake of the FA Cup semi finals.

Both lanes of the M1 were closed over the weekend after a scrapyard fire in Mill Hill weakened a viaduct on the motorway.

Although one of the northbound lanes has since been reopened by the Highways Agency, there are still thousands of fans from Manchester, Stoke and Bolton stranded in the capital and the International Red Cross is working 24-7 in an effort to help the disorientated Northerners.

Red Cross chief Manuel Valazuelos addressed the world's media today :

"The United Nations and the International Red Cross are working hand in hand to help the masses of people from the North prior to repatriation.

"Thousands are suffering from dehydration as they are not yet acclimatised to the 3 degrees higher temperature down South, while many others are facing starvation as they cannot access supermarkets that stock mushy peas or John Smiths Extra Smooth".

Unnamed sources also report that countless others have been sleeping in parks and open ground as they've been unable to access hotel accommodation due to the language barrier.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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