Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Tuesday, 19 April 2011

image for Police snipers given permission to shoot spectators at royal wedding.

Specialist teams from Scotland Yard have told the government that stalkers and 'royal fanatics' pose a bigger threat than terrorists at the royal event in London on 29th April, and as a result of the warning all armed security police on royal duty will now have permission to shoot any spectators who are displaying excessive amounts of enthusiasm for the royal couple.

The government say the security measure is unlikely to affect the number of well wishers turning out to see the royal wedding to any great degree - though clearly the fear of being shot for merely waving a union jack flag on a stick is bound to make some people decide to stay at home preferring to watch the occasion on television.

A Scotland Yard spokesman stated, "We are of the view that nobody in their right mind would want to stand at the side of a road cheering any of the royal family, and so if we see anyone cheering wildly we are obviously going to find that suspicious. Also is the fact that any terrorist in the crowd would obviously be trying to blend in by pretending to be a genuine well wisher, would be inclined to overdo the cheering, and thus enable our snipers to identify and remove the threat before they have the opportunity to bring out a grenade from a pocket. Genuine well wishers have nothing to fear if they remember to keep their hands where we can see them at all times and are not seen to be cheering the royal couple in a threatening manner. It is highly unlikely that any genuine well wisher using their hands for polite applause would then find themselves being shot by any of our snipers."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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