London - Bible cryptographers have found new evidence pointing to Queen Elizabeth eating her very last Beluga caviar canapé this Wednesday.
A passage in the Gospel According to Fluke says she's likely to croak it on the night ahead of her 85th birthday on 21 April.
The day coincides with Maundy Thudsday when she's due to offer alms to austerity-strapped oldies at a Westmonster Abbey paschal rite.
This year's foot-washing traditional ceremony involving carbolic soap and Wormwood Scrubs nonces' wing lifers has been delegated to the Arsehbishop of Canterbury.
Commenting on the new biblical interpretation Cambridge University Emeritius Professor of Patriarchal Humbug Studies Dr Einstein Flintstone said: "WTF?"
"The ancients always knew an impostor niece of Rudolf Hess and Joseph Stalin would one day usurp the Throne of Albion," Flintstone added.
"Personally I blame Mrs Thatcher."