I am trying to escape from all the treacle dripping from the media about the weeding day. I don't see why I should do the weeding, my allotment is in fine shape and I will be spending the forthcoming weeding holiday with earphones firmly in my ears tuned to my favourite music.
This does not include the weeding march, which is the tune that was used to open our local marriage guidance centre.
The entire workforce of the BBC are going to be devoted to the weeding day and to crown it all I shall have to wade through the gunge of a weeding party to get to my gardening - where there are no weeds.
Is there anyone else out there who is not overjoyed by the prospect of the great weeding day?
I have written to Lord Snowdon and Fergie (female variety) about their successful weedings and I have made mystical communication with Diana Spencer. They have all warned me about the trouble weeding can cause.
Perhaps someone will make a dramtic intervention at the weeding ceremony and stop the event as in all the best gushing films.