Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 16 April 2011

image for Kate will promise to obey - for a big chunk of the Civil List
Loadsadosh for Kate - as long as she doesn't break ranks

London - Prenup documents drawn up by Palace lawyers show a sliding scale of potential payoffs should Ms Middleton's altarside promise to Love, Honor & Obey fall at the first fence.

In the first year of marriage she's to get a credit card from royal bankers Cunnts & Co - subject to standard Palace screwtiny and random drug testing - plus an annual dress allowance.

The expense account will rise if/when she gets pregnant and will double in value once any offspring's DNA proves William's paternity.

Access to the Crown Jewellery will be strictly limited to baubles acquired by the late Diana, Princess of Wales - mainly because 99% of the 'royal' collection is nothing more than very elaborate 'paste'.

If the marriage proves to be childless a 'sensible' annulment payoff will see Kate set up for life on around one hundred grand a year - of taxpayer-funded £££s.

Rumors also abound that parents Michael and Carole Middleton have had to sign official gagging clauses banning them from 'snitching up on stuff'.

The 29 April nuptials remain under 'hideous' astrological aspects predicting an unfolding tragedy in the making.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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