Written by Inhopeless
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Saturday, 16 April 2011

BIRMINGHAM - Spoofer Inhopeless was captured by a rogue gang of chavs today, and was forced to live with them.

"Oh," he said. "MY GOD! I was away from my fricking mother! That sucks!"

He said that experience was harrowing.

"After two hours," he said, "I actually started becoming like one. I wanted to drink White Lightning, take a piss on the carpet, rob a chippy... and the words. OH... the language.... it's a bastardisation of English and urban. Oh... with urban, the speakers pull it off, and occaisionally you can understand. These chavs... oh my god. It's like grunt grunt brap grunt grunt...skeen. SKEEN IS A FUCKING PIECE OF STRING."

He also claims the rituals are strange too, with watching their god, 'Jeremy Kyle' and blasting of heavily distorted noise through tinny phone speakers.

He claims the noise makes Rebecca Black bearable. Just about bearable.

The settlement is an isolated group, however, many humans near the settlement, in Balsall Heath, are worried the toxic gases and the random fights with humans are damaging.

Already, West Midlands Safari Park are willing to showcase these beasts in a new enclosure.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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