Written by j.w.
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Wednesday, 13 April 2011

image for Lansley Needs Emergency Care
Pickles Visits Lansley

Health Secretary Andrew Lansley's mission to destroy the National Health Service is coming off the rails.

Nurses have no confidence in him and he suffeered another setback when he felt ill at their conference.

Emergency services were called but Nick Clegg was engaged by Maureen Duffy in a conversation ranging over the record of the Government.

Paramedics were called but no one was available. Eventually after Lansley walked a mile to the nearest Accident & Emergency he had to wait five hours before anyone could examine him. Unfortunately no bed was available on any ward so Lansley stayed at A & E overnight.

A visit from a concerned David Cameron was postponed because visiting times did not coincide with Cameron's limited free time. However Eric Pickles was available. Sadly he sat on Lansley's bed and it collapsed, leaving the Minister with a broken leg to go with his undiagnosed illness.

'I have been finding it difficult to speak' he scrawled on a piece of toilet paper. Pickles took this but had to use the paper to wipe his arse so the message was never delivered.

All in all it was a bad day for the Government but on the bright side the Governor of the Bank of England will be able to keep inflation under control by stopping Bank employees blowing up balloons at the Stock Exchange,

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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