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Tuesday, 12 April 2011

image for HMS Ark Royal lost in the Post
Royal Mail are Muppets claims MOD Spokesman

Further embarrassment has been heaped on the Royal Mail today, when it emerged that the historic aircraft carrier, HMS Ark Royal, had been lost in the post.

The retired former aircraft carrier had been listed for sale on the auction website, Ebay, and had been posted on the early hours of Friday morning. Unfortunately, The Organ has since learned that they Ark Royal is currently missing, presumed stolen.

A spokesman for the Ministry said:

"This is manifest incompetence. Quite how the Mail can screw up so royally is beyond me. When I think of the man hours required to wrap the whole thing in bubble-wrap, and the logistics of getting the item to the Sorting Office on Shoreditch High Street, I can barely contain my rage. I'm sorry to say that the Post Office is not the institution it once was, and we will not be using them again."

However, a spokesman for the Post Office, Fred Cleggins, denied the Post Office was at fault, claiming that the MOD was largely responsible:

"They [The MOD], had every opportunity to purchase our Special Tracking Service with Enhanced Protection Insurance, but they were too stingy to cough up the extra £1.50. They've only themselves to blame really. I mean, it's not the Royal Mail's fault if loses something, is it?"

The auction, which closed at midnight Sunday, was won by a buyer using the handle SookMeiPhatKok73. Little is known of the mysterious purchaser, but it is believed they are based in the Far East. The buyer will pay a tidy £2,786,456.23 for the boat.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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