Written by queen mudder

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Monday, 11 April 2011

image for 'Brave' Kate Middleton only chucking up twice a day now
From the family album

London - Anorexic trainwreck Kate Middleton is following in Princess Diana's footsteps with a carefully choreographed decline in her daily vomiting regimen ahead of the Big Day.

Royal wedding watch pals say the need to binge/purge only grabs her after a whiff of Camilla's perfume, reportedly an Eau-de-Cologne named 'Colonel's Delight' after her first husband Muammar.

Sick-as-a-parrot Kate apparently recovered pretty quickly after losing a packet on Saturday's Grand National.

She'd backed ex-shag and amateur National Hunt jockey Sam Waley-Cohen to win on disappointing second Oscar Time.

He came second - much like in a previous, unrelated encounter with Kate in 2008.

Middleton has denied being a closet chuckker-upper despite a skeletal frame and gaunt faecal - er, facial! - shadows.

But the last time she managed to keep three square meals down is shrouded in the mists of hystery.

"William's getting a daily foretaste of what morning sickness might be like," celebwatch site LA FagHagSlagMag sources commented today.

"Only, like with Diana, it's a gestation spin-off that never stops."

Chelsy Davey is sick as a parrot.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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