Written by Noddy Bigears
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Topics: Labour, Conference

Thursday, 29 September 2005

The Labour Party Spin Machine spun out of control again yesterday as an 82 year old man was pushed to the ground at the back of the hall and had his bag of sweets taken away by the Labour Party conference stewards. Once the 2 thugs had easily twisted his fingers and kicked him whilst he lay helpless on the ground, they shared the bounty of the paper bag of mixed confectionary and then dragged him ruthlessly by his feet down the conference hall steps, out the front door finally leaving him bruised, bleeding and nearly unconscious in a side alley.


Apparently, the 82 year Labour Party activist, who had escaped the Nazis during the Second World War, attracted the attention of the Labour Party Trade Union of Thugs, Conference Stewards and Thought Control Police when they believed that he had deliberately opened a sweet wrapper during Jack Straws notoriously contrived, boringly tedious and extended droning monotone of lies, trickery and deception. The poor helpless man denied the accusation but the bloodhounds had sensed victory as the designated victim's walking stick had been taken away at the security check at the conference entrance.


Once the dangerously violent 82 year terrorist had been at least partially contained in the side alley, several hundred police cordoned off the area and undertook repeated shield and baton attacks into the side alley until they were certain that the man would not escape nor prove any further threat with 2 broken legs and a fractured skull, at this point the SAS anti-terrorist squad was sent in to finally handcuff and gag the dangerous fanatic thus preventing him shouting or even whispering any Labour Party curses such as "Bullshit", "Liar" or "Maybe that's not quite true".


The prime minister told BBC Breakfast today that he would apologise to Walter Wolfgang but unfortunately his microphone transmitted off camera, "I am really sorry about it Jack, it shouldn't have happened, the stewards were under instructions to take him out the back door into the closed yard to be thrown down the steps to the Dobermans, sorry buddy, then nobody would have seen anything." Mr Blair added speaking on his mobile, "Yes, it is difficult for them (Labour Party Trade Union of Thugs, Conference Stewards and Thought Control Police) when someone is interrupting our speeches, but we should handle it sensitively for the media image, particularly with an older person. The stewards had strict instructions to use Taser guns on any hecklers or gag them but apparently, they ran out of cartridges during my first speech, hence, they had to resort to any other means available to protect the image of the New Labour Lies, Deceit and Blairshite."


Meanwhile, the Labour Party Headquarters' announced "Mr Wolfgang can return for the conference's final day provided he does not cause further disturbances and we have offered him his own private sound proofed broom cupboard in the conference basement. "

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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