Wayne Rooney has been offered some life changing advice by the Lifestyle and Yoga Guru of Ryan Giggs. The guru says that Rooney will never be happy unless he makes changes to his life.
Change number one would involve giving away all his money to poor people. Next he has to become a vegetarian and never eat Goldfish again. And finally, he has to renounce materialism by cutting up Colleen's credit card.
The Yoga guru says that this will bring him happiness. But his happiness will be heightened if he chooses to give his money to an especially deserving poor person. That poor person would be Ryan Giggs.
Ryan Giggs is now living in a Tent after he gave all his money to the lifestyle guru. He says he's very happy but he doesn't have any food. He would be very happy if Rooney would give him £3.00 so he can buy a cup of coffee from the Costafortune coffee shop round the corner.
Ryan says its lovely living in a Tent with no money. He says its just a case of choosing the right location to pitch your tent. Ryan chose to set up camp next to the building site were his Yoga Guru is building the Giant Temple of The Golden Cash Card.
David Cameron who also worships regularly at a different type of Temple (The Miserable Temple of the Golden Morrisey) has warned Rooney against this action. He says he has to join his Temple instead. No money is required and you get to dance to fantastic songs till the sun comes up.
Rooney is yet to comment on this issue.