Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 7 April 2011

image for Prince William Says The Rumor Of His "Lustfully Lascivious" Lap Dance From Heidi Montag Is Simply Not True
A photo taken of Buckingham Palace guard Poindexter Conrad Battleday. (Photo courtesy of Prince William).

LONDON - The soon-to-be wed Prince William recently attended a surprise birthday party for one of his childhood friends Wycliffe Burgershire at Wycliffe's home in Upper Tooting.

Wycliffe is the long time friend who first taught William all about fox hunts, soccer (English football), girls, and the Beatles.

The two grew up as brothers and actually looked more alike than William and his real brother Harry.

At the age of six both Wycliffe and William actually took DNA tests and those tests proved without a doubt that they were in fact not biological brothers.

The birthday party was attended by nine of William and Wycliffe's closest friends including ex-Buckingham Palace guard Poindexter Conrad Battleday, who had once saved Queen Elizabeth by administering CPR back in October of 2004, when Lilabeth started choking on a rather hard blueberry crumpet.

The Queen has never forgotten Mr Battleday's kindness and every Christmas she sends him a fully cooked Danish Duck and a check for £50 [$32.61 U.S.].

A reporter for Ta Ta For Now News asked Prince William about the rumor that one of his friends, with the initials M.C.P. had hired Heidi Montag to perform lap dances for the party lads.

William blushed and replied that he had not participated in any lustfully lascivious lap dance from Ms. Heidi Montag no matter what Milton Czarbaum-Piddleficker, who has always been a practical joker may have said.

William then mentioned to Chatsworth Wiggonholt of Ta Ta For Now News that if he promised not to print the story, which was of course false, that he would give his news agency exclusive rights to any future stories over the other British news agencies including Tickety Boo News and The Bees Knees News Agency.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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