Written by Katarina Frogpond2
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Topics: Conservatives

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

image for Top Tory Gregory Barker's House Occupied by Squatters
If Society falls, we all fall.

Gregory Barker, the Tory who said "We've made cuts Thatcher could only dream of" has had his house occupied by squatters.

This terrible deed was carried out whilst he was out walking his dog and, when he discovered he was the victim of a crime, his first thought was to phone the police. But when he did so, he was greeted by a Receptionist who said: "I'm sorry. We can't come investigate this incident at the moment because we're really short staffed. You cut our budget...remember."

Next he tried to complain to the council but they said "Sorry, we're busy trying to evict disabled people from their houses at the moment, just like you asked us to. We don't have time to re-house you."

His next port of call was the army but they said "You're the ones who cut our staffing levels to the bone, then sent us into another war. Do you really think we're going to help you now"

Next Gregory had no option but to contact the Student Rioters. He said "Hey Student Rioters. This is an injustice. What are you going to do about it? Shouldn't we get a protest going, or something"

They said "No. There's no point in protesting any more. You didn't listen to us. We're just going to claim unemployment benefit now, and spend the rest of our lives without hope or social mobility."

Gregory felt a bit sad about that but he carried on. He now had no option but to go see his old mentor Margaret Thatcher. He said. "Hey Maggie, can I stay at your house, I've got nowhere to live"

But the Baroness didn't answer him because she couldn't even see him. He'd become one of the millions of people who ceased to exist in her society three decades ago.

Gregory felt even sadder about that, because he had learned a terrible lesson. He'd learned that what goes around comes around, and that no man can remain an island forever. If society falls, we all fall.

By Katarina Frogpond.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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