Written by Gary Potter
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Monday, 4 April 2011

image for Royal Wedding Firework Ban
Big Bang banned for Royal Wedding

The UK government has today announced a total ban on all fireworks in advance of the Royal Wedding, which is finally, at last, just around the corner. It is also considering pushing forward a motion to completely outlaw all firework and lighthearted explosives permanently.

The move follows troubling quackery from confused evolutionists (this will come as no surprise to regular readers of Gary Potter's stories).

According to zany Dawkin Richards, there is a real threat that with all the explosions taking place in celebration of this special day that a new universe might accidentally form.

Apparently, evolutionists hold to the peculiar superstition that explosions can actually create matter, and all the physical laws that govern that matter. Said Richards "Thankfully, these magic universe creating bangs are extremely rare. We estimate that the last one occurred some 15 billion years ago. The cause back then was thought to be absolutely nothing at all, so you can see the potential threat poised by careless firework shenanigans."

A physics professor, who wishes to maintain funding for his valuable research, so did not want to reveal his identity clarified the situation "The public need not be alarmed. The notion that universes spontaneously appear from nothing at all contradicts absolutely every physical law known to science. We have certainly never witnessed anything exploding for no reason in our lab. There is no evidence of it ever happening in the past and with a 100% zero past record, I think we can all safely look forward to the happy day in peace."

A royal official said, "We cannot take the chance. As the enchanting day draws to a close, the last thing we need is to inadvertently create a new universe, especially just before the Bank holiday weekend."

The government is considering banning everything else aswell, just in case it also goes off.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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