As part of government cuts, the department in the Ministry of Defence that deals with all of the crap sent in by the public about their UFO sightings has been closed.
The department has been operating since 1950. The need was identified when members of the public of started sending in photos, abduction stories and the location of the starting point of the alien invasion.
"We were receiving hundreds of photos, drawings an descriptions," said ex-employee, Alan De Bunker. "Generally they were pretty easy to debunk, like the one with the guy who'd lost an hour when the clocks went forward, or the woman who'd opened the door to an alien visitor on October 31st. People think we're like the X-Files, but most days we're more like Only Fools and Horses."
The five staff of the department would write back to every person who sent information in, thanking them, and then telling them what had actually happened.
"There were a few we struggled with," admitted De Bunker. "Like when crop circles first appeared."
De Bunker knew it wasn't really aliens.
"It wasn't aliens," said De Bunker. "There aren't any aliens. No conspiracies. Sorry. We eventually tracked the miscreants down. Those were the days. There's been nothing like that in recent years. It's all been lights in the sky that are generally either aircraft or Chinese lanterns."
The fact that there has been nothing like crop circles for years is the main reason it has been determined that this department is no longer needed. The disbanding of the department now means that when the photos and abduction descriptions come in, there will be nobody to file them or write back explaining that the photo is a street light or a Frisbee.
"I don't mind not working there any more," said De Bunker. "I've got a job working at a nuclear bunker. I do feel for the deluded and misled though. Who will listen to them now?"