Written by Berty Dirtwhistle
Print this
Topics: Theft, burnley, lead

Thursday, 31 March 2011

image for Lead Thieves Strike in Burnley

SCRAP METAL thieves in Burnley are planning industrial action after police urged people to be vigilant.

Thieves believe officers are investigating reports of the theft of lead from four porch roofs in Heather Bank and Rossendale Road.

Lead worth more than £200 was taken from the properties overnight between Friday March 25th and Saturday 26th. An investigation may now be under way and police could even ask residents to report anything suspicious.

Cheeky local villain Charlie 'Fingers' Leadthief said: "I appeal to anyone with information about the police to contact us."

"We regularly visit scrap metal dealers to profit from crime by cashing in at local dealers. The cost of scrap metal has risen steeply due to high demand from China. However, anyone found in possession of stolen scrap metal is being dealt with robustly. I'm fed up with dealt with robustly, it's just not fair"

"I urge people to remain extra vigilant and contact thieves if they see the police investigating anything suspicious in their neighbourhood."

Anyone with information can contact thieves by leaving their windows and doors unlocked and taping a note to their plasma TVs.

Make Berty Dirtwhistle's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 multiplied by 1?

4 24 23 5
45 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more