Written by LisaPisa
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Topics: Police, Local

Sunday, 27 March 2011

image for Police Artist Sacked For Drawing Crap Photo-fits

The police have fired their regular police artist after discovering that the photo-fits he had been producing were really, really shit.

Neville Dobbins somehow managed to evade attention from his bosses over the fact that the pictures he had been creating to assist in their crime detection looked nothing like the 'bad guys' witnesses had described.

In fact the pictures barely looked like people at all.

'The Scunthorpe Tickler', a vicious brute who would sneak up behind pensioners in shopping aisles and tickle them with a feather duster, was described by eye-witnesses as having a square face, curly ginger beard and a small nose.

In Neville's pictures he had a head like a circle, eyes like little dots and a few wavy lines for hair. He then did a little body with a stripy shirt.

He also added some spectacles, because, as Neville put it, "I like drawing them".

To make matters worse, Neville provided the exact same picture to be placed on Wanted Posters for three completely unrelated criminals - two of whom served life sentences for being 'The Tickler' based purely on their resemblance to Neville's childish scrawl.

The Police Force has denied they were stupid fuckers for not noticing Neville's antics.

"Just because he drew using Crayola crayons and with his eyes shut didn't seem odd to us at the time", said a police spokesperson.

"How were we to know he was a con-artist".

Neville has now been taken on as an official court artist for Viz comic.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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