Written by Noddy Bigears
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Topics: Democrats, Labour

Friday, 23 September 2005

image for Charles Kennedy Changes Face to Satisfy Liberal Democrats Leadership Requirements
Charles Kennedy Tries To Broaden His Appeal Too Much?

Charles Kennedy has presented an enormous change of leadership style today at the Liberal Democrats press conference. In a clear challenge to the Labour Party style and leadership he metamorphosed into a new, dynamic vibrant and energetic leaping vision. Charles declared openly to his critics "There's no more monkeying around for the Lib Dems or throwing peanuts at each other anymore, we are going to clamber straight to the top of the government tree where we can throw down and out the rotten apples."

Liberal Democrat activists had expressed concern that Charles Kennedy was not capable of the required change of face to finally challenge the Tories or the Labour Party. However, Charles Kennedy reiterated "eeeih ooh ohh , I will leap, swing, jump and climb , aghh ooh eeeih, into the next election as the clear alternative to the discredited Labour government."

Charles went on to explain "the fundamental right and principles behind the liberal philosophy mean defending the rights of animals and humans whilst protecting their civil liberties as well as protecting the upper Rain Forest and extending banana plantations where necessary including the introduction of EU subsidies for peanut farmers in Europe. "

When challenged about his new leadership style, and asked by an activist "will the electorate accept a new leader with his vigour and agility to reach for the sky but also with his constant nit picking and self preening for the camera?" Charles Kennedy seemed unconcerned and simply murmured whilst scratching his posterior and other body parts, subsequently he started biting his fingernails or picking his ear tuffs.

Political commentators seem uncertain how the new Charles Kennedy will appeal to the British electorate, Andrew Marr expressed "there can be nothing but admiration for Charles Kennedy's change of face yet concern will remain that he will continue to have a lack of focus and consistency, will the Liberal Democrats accept a leader that leaps and bounds so quickly from one branch of thought to the next? How will the British public accept a leadership style that openly accepts and encourages quite rightly not only environmental issues but also blatantly promotes naturalism?"

Labour Party spin doctor, Martin Mortimor-Blobe commented "this is simply an extravagant publicity stunt used to boast the weakest political party, yes this new image may appeal to British animal lovers as well as young people, but will the electorate majority or big businesses ever accept the Liberal Democrats Leadership bottom line being so unashamedly visible to everybody, we don't think so?"

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