The Chancer of the Exchequer has just sat down after making his budget statement.
In his statement, the Chancer said "this is my budget statement", receiving great applause from the hordes of sleeping MP's who had gathered in Westminster to hand in their previous week expense sheets.
From midnight tonight, he is introducing a special sleeping tax, whereby people who sleep will be taxed at a rate of 4%.
A special BTT or Bad Taste Tax is being applied at the rate of 13% to women with tattoos and men with earrings from tomorrow.
Drug dealers have also not escaped the net, with a 50% SDT - Special Drug Tax - being applied to all deals over £10.
A new BSCT - Being Simon Cowell Tax - is introduced for both talentless-show judges and the talentless unwashed who apply to appear on television shows such as Crap-Factor and Britain's Got Eczema. Louis Walsh will be severely taxed for just being Louis Walsh, although the spectre of being locked up and the key thrown away is already looming heavy over him should he says "you nailed it", "one million per cent" or "you deserve to be in the final" once more on television.