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Tuesday, 22 March 2011

image for Lily Allen To Replace Cheryl As The Next Female X-Factor Judge
Young Man Raps Before His X-Factor Audition Hope In His Heart

Cheryl has been given the 'cold shoulder' by UK X-Factor and they are set to replace her with another pretty, young female judge. It is felt that fresh blood is needed to 'rejuvenate' the tired old format. Lily Allen will replace Cheryl if she doesn't sign her contract soon. Simon has come back to the UK for urgent talks with ITV bosses.

Konni Huq will not be returning to host the Xtra Factor and her contract has not been renewed. Who will replace her has not yet been decided.

Cowell has come under fire for not given due attention to the selection of judges for the UK X-Factor; he has been too busy selecting judges for the panel of X-Factor USA which has no direct connection with the UK show. Sharon Osbourne has said that 'Simon is detached from reality and wouldn't know talent if he tripped over it.' She said that "Simon wants to be surrounded by beautiful women and gay men and the X-Factor has become as 'camp as Christmas'.

The music mogul has said that he will not choose the judges for the UK X-Factor until the judging panel for the USA X-Factor has been decided. However, the money men at ITV are angered that Cowell has been diverted from his duties to the UK X-Factor when auditions in Britain will be starting this week and the 'Judges Houses' and 'Boot Camp' has tentatively been pencilled in for the beginning of May in seven weeks time.

Simon Cowell, Dannii Minogue, Louis Walsh will return as judges to the UK X-Factor. Dermot will be hosting the UK show after having his hopes dashed of 'breaking' into America.

Dermot has been distraught after being rejected by the USA Fox television executives. He has said that he couldn't compete against Zac Ephron and Vanessa Hudgens who are 'the new kids on the block'. However, there appears to be no validity in his claims that he had been frozen out because of the young stars popularity in the United States. Instead the new hosts are going to be Enrique Iglesias and 'Pussy Cat Doll' Nicole Sherzinger who will be the male and female presenters.

Dermot has become paranoid and imagines that people are talking about him and that they are working against him. His nerves had been 'shot' after being kept on a 'knife edge' in America. Dermot lived in hope in a rented house for months and was literally kept 'dangling' for weeks not knowing what would happen to him.

Another rumour which is circulating is that Taylor Momsen and Nicki Manaj are going to be on the judges panel along side Antonio LA Reid and Simon Cowell but this has not yet been confirmed and is purely speculation. The two young stars are young and popular and have 'street cred' with American teenagers who are the target audience.

The whole 'razzmatazz' of the X-Factor has become its downfall as away from all the show-biz gimmicks of lighting and dancers and dry ice machines the actual talent is very 'lacklustre' indeed. Once the umbilical cord from the X-Factor is severed the music contract soon dries up and the new 'star' has trouble selling subsequent records after having the obligatory Christmas No 1.

Matt Cardle is a case in point and he is like the milk which has 'curdled' and will be thrown away when it has gone sour. The whole X-Factor has gone sour and it not about hopes and dreams of ordinary people but the bloated egos of Cowell and his fellow judges. It is about Cheryl prancing around in a 'soldier costume' and embarrassing herself to 'plug' her latest offering. The X-Factor is about major celebrities dancing around in a sexual way in stockings and basques and moving provocatively. It is above all about marketing Simon Cowell and filling his wallet with plenty of lovely dosh. It is also about selling the advertising slots on the UK Final for 'shedfulls' of money to sell mobile phone contracts and computer games before Christmas.

The Auditions and the Boot Camp are the most entertaining as they unrehearsed and hence more interesting as you do not know what is going to happen. The X-Factor is about 'sob stories' and the female judge sobbing and begging Simon to give the person one last chance when really she could not care less about the act and will abandon them once the series is over. Cher Lloyd has broken faith with Cheryl and has said that Cheryl has severed all links with her and is not trying to help her achieve her ambition of being a pop-singer. Besotted Will-i-am reprimanded Cher for speaking the truth and revealing what a shallow, superficial person Cheryl is. The X-Factor is still brilliant entertainment as we watch people being judged and being saved or rejected by the public vote. It is the modern equivalent of the gallows and has brought out the worse in human nature.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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