Written by Mr Goster
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Monday, 21 March 2011

image for Sir Alan Signs Cereal Deal
Sugar

Super Businessman and inventor of TV's 'The Apprentice' Sir Alan has teamed up with those loveable rascals Jedward to launch a new cereal to get Britain's kids eating healthily.

Twins Noel and Keith Jedward were only too keen to make even more money whilst having no particular talent at all, and smiled and posed for the cameras at the cereal launch this morning.

The Twins agent, Caspar Wyoming told the gathered fans and press,

'The boys are delighted to be working with Sir Alan. It's a privilege and an opportunity to earn even more dosh, but it also sends a serious message to all the fat kids up and down the country.
Just one bowl of our new cereal, SugarPuffs, and you'll feel a little bit lighter on your loafers.'

Sir Alan can't be here, mainly because he can't stand the twins, but he knows it's a great deal. I've told the lads he's busy abroad, but to be honest they're that simple they couldn't care less.

They really are as empty as they appear on TV. Sometimes more so.But they're a marketing dream. You can take the piss out of them all day long and they just don't care.

Don't forget, as their agent, I have their best interests at heart and because of that we share everything 50/50. They're lovely lads really. Hearts of Gold they've got.'

The final word went to Sir Alan, who sent a telegram from his house down the road.

'I'd just like to say how proud I am that fat kids up and down the country can now eat SugarPuffs to feel fit and healthy. Use them as one of your five a day.You couldn't have two better role models to show what happens if you don't eat your Puffs.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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