Written by Inhopeless
Print this
Topics: Education, Exams

Saturday, 26 March 2011

BIRMINGHAM - New research by the University of Birimingham says that Britain's education system is failing the procrastinators and the don't-give-a-shitists.

A national campaign spearheaded by Inhopeless has been started in earnest.

"I was a major procrastinator," he said. "Most of my homework was either lost, done the night before, and in a few cases, done in the lesson before it was due in. I want kids to realise that they can pretend to give a shit, or once in a while keep up appearances of not procrastinating."

The study, conducted over five years and in 200 different secondary schools, found out that nearly 91% of procrastinators fail to get a Level 2 qualification (A* to C grades at GCSE or a Foundation level Diploma), with many failing to even turn up for the exam.

"I had an Art exam on a Monday," said Inhopeless. "Get this... I had two months to do 45 hours of coursework. I started on the Friday before the exam."

Michael Gove, the Education Minister, has thrown his full weight behind the scheme, which will give procrastinators the skills they'll need to continue procrastinating in a professional capacity.

"Today's procrastinators," said Inhopeless, "are tommorow's... something."

Make Inhopeless's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 plus 5?

5 20 6 19
59 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more