Written by Harold Q. Fuey
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Monday, 21 March 2011

image for SuBo fanatics set to break world record!
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Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies look set to break a world record, after presenting a quilt they had made to SuBo over the weekend.

The quilt, so large it covers four ZIP codes, has the names of several million fanatics machine-stitched into it. It was shipped to Scotland by cargo plane, after the commercial flight failed to take off due to the weight of the quilt.

Presentation of the quilt started over 24 hours ago, and is still going on.

"Each name has a unique story behind it, and we've written a condescending story about each and every one of them! We know Susan will just love hearing them all!" said a deluded fanatic.

The delegation of fanatics bedded down for the night in sleeping bags while the presentation continued.

"Some of our older members, basically all of them, couldn't take the pace and decided they needed a change of Depends and some sleep!" said a chief fanatic.

"We hope to break the record for the longest quilt presentation in history. We only have another 12 Volumes of quilt stories left to read, so we hope to be done sometime tomorrow!" said the chief quilter.

When the chief fanatic started to read Volume 96 of the stories, at around 4am, SuBo's assistant was heard to mumble "oh crap, shoot me now!"

It is not known what SuBo will do with the quilt once she finally takes it home, but a truck from 'Dumpsters-Are-We' was seen dropping off an empty dumpster in her garden over the weekend.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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