A woman in the quaint village of Cogley-on-Knob has made a formal complaint to a clothing manufacturer after purchasing a new blouse that had no head hole.
Mrs Catherine Belchor - a former mud-wrestling semi-finalist at the school sports day, 1983 - has written a strongly worded letter to Clothes & Co. Deluxe Ladies Clothing Suppliers of Number 15 Ramsbottom Row, Bow.
"I was looking for something fucking nice to wear to my annual Tourettes's Association Reunion party at the village hall", she said.
"I saw a navy blouse and thought it was fucking lovely and would go nicely with my fucking Louis Vuitton handbag"
But on taking it home and trying it on she became trapped in a world of cotton.
"I got lost inside my own fucking clothing and needed the fire brigade to rescue me. They spent four hours cutting me out. I looked like a fucking idiot. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!".
Catherine wrote a letter the following day and used the word 'Fuck' many, many times.
She also called the clothing manufacturers "a bunch of bastards" and "dickheads".
She ended her letter with a relatively polite "sincerely yours, arsehole cunt-bags".
Clothes & Co. Deluxe Ladies Clothing Suppliers owner Arthur Cackhound - who coincidentally is also a fellow member of the Tourettes Association - said he would "see what I can fucking do to make amends with the fucking bitch".