A gay man has crushed his nuts.
Larry Sabu, 20, whipped them out and then began churning the handle until they were well and truly broken up.
And then he ate them: yes, 'Gay man eats his nuts' is always a worthy headline.
"I quite enjoy a snack around mid-day", Larry said, "and I had a packet of salted peanuts - I love the taste of salty nuts in my mouth'.
He noticed he was in the meat-packing district of Scunthorpe - an area across the street from the headquarters of the Homosexual League - and politely asked a man operating a meat grinding machine to help out.
"He was a heterosexual male butcher with confused sexual feelings, so he was more than happy to publicly crush my nuts while his co-workers watched on", Larry continued.
Ever the food connoisseur, Larry told us that he might stop off in the Chinatown area of Scunthorpe tomorrow afternoon for a quick snack.
"I'd quite fancy the cream of Sum Yung Gy".