Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 18 March 2011

image for Toxic Japanese plume to reach Daily Mail readers 'by the Spring Equinox'
Something big will blow civilization as we know it

London - The equinoctial rollercoaster countdown begins today amid reports that 'articles spumed from the wrecked nuke plants' will affect 9 out of 10 of the tabloid's readers.

Radioactive fumes being carried on a wave of hysteria have already penetrated some of the Red Top's columnists.

They warn the first stage of mass contamination is likely to occur by Saturday's 18:10GMT Pisces full moon - slap bang in the middle of a BBC2 Escape to the Country repeat.

By 19:39GMT a World War II-style creeping paranoia may affect audiences of ITV's Ant & Dec's Push the Button who have decided to abandon a traditional Dad's Army psychotic episode.

This could then peak around 21:05GMT with Channel 4's airing of The Happening - about 'baffling' suicides sweeping New York in the first signs of an impending global crisis.

The actual Vernal Equinox at 23:20GMT on Sunday night will probably be just too much for Mail on Sunday readers, invariably first to show tell-tale symptoms of toxic scaremongering.

"Something big's about to blow civilization as we know it," last week's Sunday Smearer editorial predicted.

The Sun conjoins Uranus at 1-degrees Aries at Monday lunchtime.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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