Written by mattymc13
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Topics: Death, suicide, councils

Thursday, 17 March 2011

The Local Council has revealed the winner of their 'Design an Anti-Suicide Sign' competition after a tense judging process that has taken over three days.

It came down to the final three candidates - Claire Luxford's creative picture of a man eating washing powder - with a cross through it, Gareth Randall's wonderfully designed man sticking a firework into his mouth - with a cross through it, and Ken Webb's simple design with the words "KILL OTHERS, NOT YOURSELF" written in dripping blood.

And we can exclusively reveal the winner is...Ken Webb's "KILL OTHERS, NOT YOURSELF." The sign will be mass produced and placed along the cliffs of Suffolk, and other popular UK suicide spots.

Councillor Barry Miller, who organised the competition, believes the correct decision was made by the elite judging panel, which consisted of suicide inducers Lionel Blair, Thom Yorke and Leslie Joseph.

"I'm delighted for Ken. He's a top class year 3 student, and I hope he will enjoy his prize - a family holiday to Somalia, where will view poverty and death how nature intended."

When probed about whether he believed people will heed the advice of the sign, Miller could only reply in jest. "We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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