A study carried out by statisticians from the Croydon Institute of Statistics has revealed that a shocking 98% of Britons don't have the foggiest idea what they're doing, and the remaining 2% are all barking mad.
Strange then that a nation which is home to such exalted seats of learning such as Eton, Harrow, Roedean, Oxford, Cambridge, and Basingstoke College Of Technology should be filled with clueless idiots.
But apparently it is.
"The problem with the British is that they believe everything they are told," explained Ed Winchester, of Durban University, South Africa. "They are basically spoon-fed nonsense from the cradle to the grave. They just suck it up, starch their upper lips, and plough through life in a state of total oblivion."
"Ha! Not me mate!" countered mental patient Nutty Nigel from a rubber room in Redbridge. "I see the big picture. I know all about the killer goldfish, the sock uprising, the reality of involving tins of baked beans in international politics, alien abductions, ectoplasm, pyroplastic clouds, and volcanic dust. Ha! They can't fool me!"
A man wearing a turban declined to comment, but a mafioso from Palermo observed:
"Issa true. Dee Ingleses are a really kinda da stoopido. Dey knowa nothink. They have a dissa Camaroonio goombah as a leader, anda de man is an arse like a dee arse of the donkey. Dey listen to a da Ruperto Murdocho anda de loosa wimmin. Dey need a toppa capo like a da Silvio Berlusconi. Him shake a da Breetish up."
The famous Spanish actress Penelope Cruz just laughed when she was asked her views on the subject.
"De nada," she added.