The 'Sun' is in crisis over the forthcoming Polish elections. The two front runners have names that the BBC and Sky News have been unable to pronounce: Ygmuz Rtnzxphdski and Pbsknw Lwimwqaski.
In an effort to assist Sun readers the editor decided to call the candidates Rightski and Leftski. However it was discovered that Rightski meant Arsehole in English whilst Leftski meant Piss Poor.
As Arsehole and Piss Poor were running neck and neck two Headlines were prepared: ARSEHOLE COMES OUT ON TOP and PISS POOR TRIUMPS.
But, hearing of this decision Global Media Controller Rupert Merdeoski wrote a furious memo to his 'Sun' editor:
Our readers interested in the result of the Polish election cannot have headlines which could insult our Polish friends. In these circumstances our readers will have to be deprived of knowledge over the Polish election results.
Currently Tits and Bums are in contention to replace Arsehole and Piss Poor.