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Wednesday, 16 March 2011

image for Monster Goldfish Thrives On Diet Of Baked Beans And Chicken Jalfrezi
Giggsy Yesterday

NORFOLK - UK - A monster goldfish, over two feet long and weighing in at 27lbs survives on a diet of baked beans and chicken jalfrezi curry, claims owner, Ichabod Brundle, of Beccles.

The goldfish, named "Giggsy" after the record breaking Manchester United footballer, Giggsy - Ryan "Giggsy" Giggs - is said to have a voracious appetite. He lives in an outsized goldfish bowl on an outsized table in Brundle's Norfolk home.

"Him eats baked beans and chicken jalfrezi," Brundle explained. "Which be a bit unusual for a fish - but we don't just lob tins of beans and Indian takeaways into his bowl jest loik that. We dries it out first, and then we feeds him. Or I should say the wife does."

But it's not the easiest of tasks, feeding a giant monster goldfish, as Ichabod's wife, Peggy Sue (named after an old Buddy Holly record) explained:

"Him's a big bugger. I don't rightly know how he got the taste for baked beans and chicken jalfrezi, but he goes mental when I feeds him. We been thinkin' about upgrading him to Madras or Vindaloo with beans seasoned with jalapenos, but him be mental enough as it is. Him swims round his bowl banging his head against the glass loik a roight nutter. God only knows what he'd be like with a really hot bit o' grub down his neck."

It would have have been nicer to spend more time talking with Ichabod and Peggy Sue, but unfortunately they had a prior engagement with North Norfolk Radio DJ Alan Partridge on his Mid Morning Matters show.

Talking shite.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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