Written by grimbo
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Topics: Police, training

Friday, 18 March 2011

image for Police Given Bike Training

Grampian Police are arranging one day training sessions to all their officers on how to use a push bike safely.

Instructions on how to get on and off a bike as well as how to ring the bell are on offer as well as advanced training on how to get involved in pursuits.

A one month body conditioning period will be compulsory before any officer is allowed to use a bike in the course of their duty.

A police spokesman explained : "Its recognised that officers' bottoms, legs and arms will require some time to become used to what for many would be a totally new form of exercise".

The force is committed to providing more specialised training in activities that have perhaps become less commonplace in this hi tech age.

The spokesman continued : "Grampian Police are also organising a 2 day training course in writing with pens and pencils. If there was a lengthy breakdown in the computer system, we must have a plan B in place in order to ensure that the organisation doesn't grind to a halt. Many officers have never written a letter or a report by hand, so its essential that we get these staff at least partially acquainted with the ancient art.

Moreover, with the Coalition Government's commitment to putting more bobbies on the beat, our force is also putting plans in place to retrain our officers from being sedantary to ambulatory.

With this in mind, we are employing a number of keep fit experts whose sole task will be to get our officers flexible enough to bend their knees prior to saying 'Good Evening, All'.

No stone will be left unturned".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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