During an emergency session of GAFCOGS - the "Global Association of Fat Cats and Other Greedy Sods" - held at the members-only SKIMMERS & SCAMMERS club in the basement of number 49 Dean Street, Soho, in London's West End last night, there was widespread outrage followed by a unanimous vote of no confidence in Chairman Bill Offshaw-Banking and mass resignation of all the members present.
"Give us back our membership fees" they cried, frothing at the mouth in indignation. In fact several members had to be given mouth-to-mouth resuscitation by other members and were subsequently airlifted by helicopter from Leicester Square by paramedics. Thirteen of these unfortunates were later pronounced dead-on-arrival at the emergency specialist cardiac unit at the Heart Hospital in Marylebone.
Bill's only mistake, after becoming enlightened himself by a friend, Oxbridge Philosophy Don Kant Workitout, was to try and educate the other members of this elite group whose membership of GAFCOGS costs each of them a cool £1 million per annum.
"Ladies and Gentlemen," he began, "Before I start let me thank all those present who had to break off from closing out highly lucrative deals in order to attend this crisis meeting." "And now it is my reluctant and solemn duty to deliver an important message to you all which may greatly affect your collective peace of mind".
And then, without further preamble, he dropped his bombshell:
"Listen up you dozy bunch of motherfuckers - you're all going to DIE one day and you won't be able to take any of it with you!".
There was initially a stunned silence after this pronouncement, swiftly followed by cries of "Shame!" and "We don't need to know that, you idiot! We don't want the TRUTH, we just want to carry on with business as usual and make ourselves filthy rich so we can look down and laugh at all the poor and underprivileged people in the world and feel all nice and fluffy inside because we can afford anything!"
Also present at last night's meeting were the following:
Representing CP - or "Corrupt Politicians" - were Tony Blair, George W. Bush, Vladimir Putin, and Silvio Berlusconi.
For the New York Mafia there was Sicilian Godfather Molto Corruzione accompanied by his German-born mistress Lotte Baloney.
For the UK's Privatised Services Industry there was Serco CEO Rich Quick.
Representing Colombia's cocaine barons was Don Muchas MUCHAS Pesos.
And finally, representing corrupt African Tyrants, were Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe and Liberia's Charles Taylor.
The meeting closed in utter disarray with all those present in full agreement that it had been a "complete waste of everybody's time when time is money and we're all getting older by the minute".