Written by Harold Q. Fuey
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

image for SuBo fanatic's quilt quarantined!
Jailed!

A Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loony was being held in custody last night, charged with the 'Importation of a blessed quilt without inoculations'.

The American fanatic was held on arrival at Edinburgh airport, after customs staff discovered the vacuum-packed quilt in her luggage.

"It appears the quilt hadn't had the required shots before leaving America. Quilts coming from America have been known to carry 'Red Scarf Fever', which can be deadly to Scottish nationals," explained the customs service.

"Yes, this was a close call! Quilts have been known to escape and start breeding. Before we knew it, Scotland could have been overrun with quilts!" said a local expert.

"I only wanted to give the quilt to Susan and read the long, rambling, condescending story I'd written for her. I didn't know I needed to get the quilt inoculated," sobbed the fanatic from her jail cell.

Other fanatics have started collecting donations for her bail money. "We've set up an emergency 'donate' button," confirmed a chief fanatic. "Any money left over will be used to buy Susan another gift she doesn't really need, even if we don't have permission to spend it!" grinned the fanatic.

Under Scottish law the quilt now has to spend 12 months in quarantine.

"We've got it in a nice cage all on its own. It doesn't like the Scottish weather, and has complained of being cold. But it's quite a placid quilt, and hasn't bitten anyone yet!" said a quarantine operative.

"We are, of course, praying for the quilt. We'll visit it as soon as we can get to Scotland! It will need re-blessing by now!" said some fanatics praying.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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