Tony Blair was formally removed from the Labour Party yesterday, after making homosexual advances towards John "Prezza" Prescott and unconfirmed reports state these may have involved Humphrey, the Downing Street cat.
The party was billed as the "Biggest Labour Piss-Up" since Ramsay MacDonald's all-nighter in 1925 that was sponsored by the Daily Mail and the Russian Communist Party.
Reports have suggested that in excess of two-hundred-and-seventy bottles of red wine were consumed at the party, attended by most of Labour's MPs and partners, guests or escorts (prostitutes). Rumour suggests there were roughly eighty attendees, twenty of which were 'escorts'.
During the party, Mr. Blair is said to have drunk over three bottles of wine, two pints of lager and a Bacardi Breezer.
When quizzed, the guests of several MPs also informed TheSpoof that a cocktail of drugs were at hand throughout the party, however no-one could confirm that the PM had indulged in any of these hallucinogens.
In his drunken stupor, Mr. Blair then proceeded to dance with the deputy Prime Minister on the less than crowded smoke filled dance floor. We are led to believe that the PM then forced Mr. Prescott into a corner of the dance floor, up against a column, from where he is said to have placed his hands down Prezza's pants and fondled with his ?dangly-bits'.
"Prezza had a look of surprise on his face, which changed to a look of pleasure, then to a look of shock and finally disgust." Said one party-goer, "He then floored Tony there and then with a single left-hook. Two bouncers and Prezza then lifted Tony off the floor and chucked him out of a fire exit onto the street. Tony was still in the gutter when we left the party. I remember thinking to myself ?like father - like son'?or was it the other way around?"
Links between Prescott and Blair are still said to be shaky after this ordeal, and Mr. Blair's public ratings are said to be at an all time low.