Written by Holy-Mary
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Monday, 14 March 2011

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today paid a fulsome tribute to Melanie Phillips while announcing her appointment as Iranian Foreign Secretary.

The bearded bedlamite described her as "a fellow iconoclast making a brave and lonely stand against the secular barbarism of western society" and "just the kind of fucking lunatic who would fit right in around here".

Phillips's recent assertion that anti-semitism is caused by celebrity cocaine use will be the cornerstone of future Iranian foreign policy, combining aggressive unworldliness, bigotry and simplistic moralising to devastating effect.

Melanie first came to the attention of the regime when she outlined the case for seeing the Stephen Lawrence killing as a direct offshoot of Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds" being sung at school assemblies.

She continued to impress with her recent articles linking the rise of the English Defence League to the proliferation of Rastamouse in middle class homes and the case for stoning homosexuals in Asda carparks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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