Written by IainB
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Monday, 14 March 2011

image for Red Nose Day set to be the biggest ever
Bowbo Funnyman has declared his member will not be appearing

The BBC has said that this year's Red Nose Day will be the biggest ever.

"Peter Schmeichel and Alex Ferguson have both said that they will appear," said Lenny Henry, who somehow always finds work at this time of year. "We're still working with Rudolph's agent to get a guest appearance from Santa's prime reindeer."

One group that won't be appearing, for the tenth year in a row, is the Free Union of Clowns and Killjoys. Once again they have claimed that the red nose that typifies Red Nose Day is denigrating their profession.

"It is an affront to all serious clowns," said Bowbo Funnyman. "We have spent several centuries building the red nosed brand, and this charity has turned it into some kind of joke."

Red Nose Day organisers have repeatedly stated that they will not invite the clowns, but ask every year anyway.

The Enid Blyton foundation have, however, given permission for Noddy and Big Ears to make an appearance for the first time ever, and the pair will be joined by a troop of red nosed monkeys for the big finale.

"We're quite excited to have got Noddy," said Henry.

Obviously, there will be the usual raft of celebrities donning fake red noses, with Tara Palmer Tomkinson, who only just qualifies as a celebrity, having been wearing a Red Nose Day red nose since her real nose fell off. Her trend setting approach has led other celebs, like Daniella Westbrook and Charlie Sheen to don the famous red nose.
"It's a great advert for charity," said Palmer-Tomkinson. "And it hides all manner of sins."

Rumours that Tara Palmer-Tomkinson's nose is filled with cocaine has been denied by her publicists.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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