Written by Charpa93
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 12 March 2011

image for Shortage of Garlic on Isle of Wight Leaves Some Residents Frightened
Hah! Where's the garlic now, sister?

Global warming seems to be affecting many parts of the world with record floods, cold snaps, snow storms and even heat waves. These climactic changes are wreaking havoc on some of the world's agricultural crops and garlic is no exception.

Garlic is grown in abundance on the Isle of Wight; however, because of the extreme cold weather this past winter season, the bulbs have suffered damage and the result is a poor crop of garlic. In fact, farmers are predicting that there is a good chance there will be no garlic crop at all this spring.

While getting garlic for cooking is no problem (cooking garlic can be shipped in from the United States and India, where the crops are expected to be fine), obtaining a certain variety of garlic clove used primarily to ward off beasts such as vampires and werewolves will be difficult if not impossible.

Gertrude Dinwoody, proprietor of the local Magick Emporium in Ryde claims that she is already getting eyewitness accounts of people being bothered by vampires and not being able to ward off the evil beings due to a lack of garlic wreaths that are normally hung about the neck and entrances to the home.

"Vampires are walking straight into homes and having a look about," claims Gertrude. No bites have been reported, but Dinwoody believes that is because there are plenty of Leprechauns about this time of year in the meadows and moors. "Vampires on the Isle of Wight prefer Leprechaun blood to human blood," claims Dinwoody. Still, many residents are frightened that when all the Leprechauns become vampires, the Isle will be overrun with vampires and no garlic to deflect them

No one is entirely certain why only garlic grown on the Isle of Wight deflects paranormal beasts, but some say it is a sweeter variety and vampires prefer more of a salty taste to their food. "That," says Dinwoody, "is why you'll never see an overweight vampire."

Make Charpa93's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 plus 2?

3 6 8 18

Go to top