Written by j.w.
Print this

Saturday, 12 March 2011

image for Clegg Arrested for Incitement to Violence
Clegg's Speech Notes

Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, was taken into custody today for incitement to violence after he said he was preparing to 'wring the necks' of unidentified Bankers.

Speaking at the Liberal Democrat Spring Conference, Clegg forgot his speech and had to address the delegates from notes written on the back of an envelope previously used by David Cameron to map out his policy on Libya.

'I know I'm talking bull' Clegg admitted 'but I want to raise the Red Flag and join the revolution. We talked a load of rubbish about Labour being responsible for the economic mess - it is, of course, the Bankers who were to blame. The only way to deal with Bankers and their bonuses is to wring their necks.'

Delegates heard Clegg in stunned silence. They could not believe what they had heard. 'Maybe he's got balls after all' commented one who had previously written off Clegg as a lame duck.

However the Police took a very different view and arrested Clegg as he left the Platform. Desperate pleas by Vince Cable to the Police to be lenient were ignored. 'You must stop this' cried Cable 'Nick was saying he wanted to ring the Bankers necks R I N G not wring W R I N G. It is all a tragic misunderstanding.'

The Police Officer in charge was unimpressed. He had just heard he was to become redundant shortly and he had no love for Nick Clegg. 'Ringing is as bad as wringing' he explained carefully.'How can you put a ring on a Bankers neck without hurting him?'

Clegg can be pleased with one thing. His Poll rating has risen to 90% support and the Lib Dems are set to be the next Government.

Make j.w.'s day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 plus 4?

2 5 12 15
29 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more