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Saturday, 12 March 2011

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Clegg's Speech Notes

Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, was taken into custody today for incitement to violence after he said he was preparing to 'wring the necks' of unidentified Bankers.

Speaking at the Liberal Democrat Spring Conference, Clegg forgot his speech and had to address the delegates from notes written on the back of an envelope previously used by David Cameron to map out his policy on Libya.

'I know I'm talking bull' Clegg admitted 'but I want to raise the Red Flag and join the revolution. We talked a load of rubbish about Labour being responsible for the economic mess - it is, of course, the Bankers who were to blame. The only way to deal with Bankers and their bonuses is to wring their necks.'

Delegates heard Clegg in stunned silence. They could not believe what they had heard. 'Maybe he's got balls after all' commented one who had previously written off Clegg as a lame duck.

However the Police took a very different view and arrested Clegg as he left the Platform. Desperate pleas by Vince Cable to the Police to be lenient were ignored. 'You must stop this' cried Cable 'Nick was saying he wanted to ring the Bankers necks R I N G not wring W R I N G. It is all a tragic misunderstanding.'

The Police Officer in charge was unimpressed. He had just heard he was to become redundant shortly and he had no love for Nick Clegg. 'Ringing is as bad as wringing' he explained carefully.'How can you put a ring on a Bankers neck without hurting him?'

Clegg can be pleased with one thing. His Poll rating has risen to 90% support and the Lib Dems are set to be the next Government.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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