An earthquake measuring 5.5 on the Richter scale has hit the West of Scotland.
The quake is believed to have been triggered when Celtic manager Neil Lennon heard of his latest touchline ban and, in the words of a neighbour who wishes to remain anonymous, "went mental".
According to the eyewitness, Lennon ran outside and head butted the iron gate outside his house.
10 seconds later much of the Strathclyde region experienced major tremors and aftershocks.
There then followed a tsunami which charged eastwards up the River Clyde, ploughed up the South Calder Water in North Lanarkshire and engulfed the plateau on which Airdrie and Coatbridge are built.
Widespread devastation followed as the merciless waters washed away thousands of tin shacks, trailers and Asda trolleys in its path.
Gavin Whitefield, North Lanarkshire's Chief Executive, would not confirm reports that the area was looking a lot better.