Written by Stella Kordun
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 11 March 2011

Nick Clegg has told Liberal Democrats to "hold your nerve" as he prepares to face party activists angered by falling poll ratings and public anger and activism against the cuts.

Nick Clegg, with Prime Minister, David Cameron, also face strong criticism over their 'amateur' style of leadership in which too many gaffes have been made and inadequate research and consultation taking place in relation to the 'savings' that are being made.

Senior journalists, from 'The Gideon' claim that Clegg and Cameron are little more than a bunch of cowboys, walking from door-to-door asking residents if they want their front gardens tarmacked. In fact, before the last general election, before the coalition was formed, candidates and even Clegg and Cameron themselves were heard to mutter 'Howdy Partner' to each other and to shout and wave to each other across the streets. Some party members even thought being in a coalition meant delivering coal to pensioners, asking which mines were still open.

Mr Clegg, played down the concern of LibDem party members and activists however, saying "People want to build this up into the Gunfight at the OK Corral," said Mr Clegg. "It is not like that at all."

Meanwhile, Vince Cable was heard muttering to constituency residents in Twickenham, "How's it going Guv'nor? Fancy a shift a' tar for yer ole driveway? Lord luv a duck...Mick's not far behind me if you wan' an original"

The Lib Dem leader is seeking to round up his troops as his party gathers for its conference in Sheffield. "In fact, haven't we got 'ole mines in Sheffield?" Nick Clegg has been urging the party faithful to blacken their faces with coal dust, and to march from door to door in order to rally support. At the same time, you can't trust the weather. We might be able to drum up some business delivering more coal to stave off the cold weather that we can anticipate and who knows, a few driveways may need the 'Clegg treatment."

He is expected to tell his party "Quit fightin' like Kilkenny cats. Don't be cowed by what people are sayin' about us. Stick to the course and watch that the tarmac sticks ok, well, for the first week anyhow. Mud doesn't stick". Mr Clegg's parliamentary aide, Norman Lamb said, that the party would not be "in hiding" that they planned to go from door to door in Sheffield and "get me some hog-killin' time now shut your big bazoo."

South Yorkshire Police have spent an estimated £2m on a 'ring of steel' surrounding the conference centre and have stated that they are delving in to one report that there had been a threat to kidnap Mr Clegg. Mr Clegg shouted "STEELWORKS! Where's our nearest STEEL...." before riding off into the sunset to claim his prize.

Make Stella Kordun's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 2?

9 2 6 4
63 readers are online right now!

Go to top