Written by Reddon
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Topics: Baked Beans

Thursday, 10 March 2011

image for "Naga Viper (The World's Hottest) Chilli Goes Well With Baked Beans" Claims Gillingham Goldfish Owner
Eat This Stuff And You'll Know About It!

The world's hottest chilli, the Naga Viper - with a stratospheric Scoville Scale rating - goes really nicely when added to can of cheap, own-brand supermarket baked beans, according to claims made by a Gillingham man last night.

Goldfish owner and sock wearer, Ivan Apulitov, originally from Kiev in the Ukraine, developed a liking for chillies after settling in the UK following his homeland's internal crisis regarding how to treat cabbage, during which at least three people were verbally abused.

After settling in Gillingham, Mr Apulitov discovered the delights of chilli consumption and goldfish ownership within days. He insists that his recipe for Naga Viper baked beans is untouchable, although it may not be for everybody - and that in keeping with tradition, he named his pet goldfish "Giggsy" - after some footballer, apparently.

"I put about twenty chopped Naga Viper chillies in with a tin of cheap own-brand supermarket baked beans," Mr Apulitov explained. "Then I allow it to simmer for about six hours, to infuse the chilli flavour. Admittedly, it's a bit hot, and not for everybody, but Giggsy seems to love it when I put it on to simmer. He floats on his back in the water, making the most of the air in my flat - which is a bit like police grade pepper spray."

Mr Apulitov is currently unemployed - because he can't stay off the toilet for long.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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