Written by Reddon
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Topics: Socks, Goldfish

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

image for Socks And Jumpers Are Out - Today's Craze Is Goldfish!
I'm Worth A Bloody Fortune, Me!

Whilst it wouldn't be unreasonable to suggest that the UK doesn't half go through some strange fads and fashions, none surprised analysts more than the recent mania for all things sock and jumper related.

That was strange.

However, things appear to be taking an even more bizarre twist, with a mania for all things goldfish related knocking the football off the back pages, and Katie Price off the front pages.

City analyst Bob Jobsworth told reporters:

"I don't know where this stuff originates, but goldfish futures have gone intergalactic - from 30p a kilo up to £595.89 in a little over 24 hours. All my mates at the Spunk And Semen Bank are never off their mobiles lately and have been busily ploughing venture capital and pension funds into the goldfish market. Makes sense to me. If people want more goldfish, then investment has to be made."

Firefighter George Lofatt-Grill was jubilant.

"I'm about to be made redundant as a result of government circumcisions - the kids have seven goldfish in a bowl, which I'm informed by a stockbroker have increased in value from 20p last week to £244,000 as of about ten minutes ago. I'll flog the fish if I have to. The money should help cushion the blow of redundancy. Mind you, if your house catches fire, you'll probably be a bit f*cked."

God loves a merchant banker. Allegedly.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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