Written by Nick Hobbs
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Topics: God, Psychology, Atheism

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

image for God Admits 'I'm An Atheist'
God: Issues of self-belief make him an atheist, says nut-job.

The Good Lord God has finally admitted to being an atheist.

Speaking at a city luncheon earlier today the Creator appeared to have what witnesses were calling a 'breakdown', in front of a room full of high level banking officials.

Claiming that life was 'beginning to take it's toll' on The Maker, God appeared distant, and at times began mumbling, as if to himself.

Sir Terrence Bardley-Weiner, Barclays chief money hoarder, told us "he began very much upbeat, telling us a few quips about life 'upstairs', but as he was talking he seemed to be getting a little bitter about something. He kept mentioning 'wars, and infighting' and asking why man couldn't mend their ways and just live by his words alone."

Psychologist Vivendra Shabby watched footage of the apparent breakdown, taken by a member of the audience on his camera phone, and had this to say, "self doubt is a common feeling when in a high pressure role such as God's. To be blamed for everything that goes wrong, and at the same time to always be on hand to solve the smallest of problems, is a major strain on one's confidence."

"I can see from the footage that God is lacking self-belief, well that in my book makes him an atheist," she continued, "and having a God who is an atheist is a dangerous mix. He needs counselling, and quickly, for fear of doing something terrible and drastic."

"We need to make him feel good about himself again, to feel loved and believe in himself again, to realise he's God, he can do anything he puts his mind to, be anything he wants to be!" she finished.

God left the luncheon with his security staff, and was later seen partying with several c-list celebrities at a local nightclub.

In other news, eight kittens were drowned in a bag and a war was started in a small country no one has heard of, while God was having his 'breakdown'.

Updates as we get them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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